love without anger is not love

I woke up today and it felt like I was a mourning a loss. Mourning a loss of rights I never fully had to begin with. I took a walk, wrote in my journal, played sad music, called my family, texted my friends I love them. My heavy heart aches and begs a cry for help. I cannot make out my words and or clearly convey my thoughts.

Last night I fell asleep with tears down my face. Tonight shall be no different. I am heartbroken. I am nervous. I am scared and afraid. But most of all, I am angry.

I am angry because I live in a country that is more afraid of an educated woman than a rapist. I am angry at what this means for gay and trans people, for refugees risking their lives for their children, for latinos and muslims and brown people trying to make a life for themselves, for black people who already fear the police and are constantly denied opportunity, for our beautiful American soil made up of mountains and hills and trees, for women whose pregnancy puts their own health at risk or is an unwanted result of assault, for women scared to report their rape.

But most of all, I am angry at the ignorance. At the people that don’t see that this is a problem. At people who say we are escalating a problem that was not there to begin with. At the people calling us “dramatic.” At the people saying that we need to move on. At the people saying we cannot change the results. At the people saying getting angry doesn’t solve anything.

Getting angry sparks change. Getting angry sparks revolutions and social movements. Getting angry is what gave women the right to vote, what gave me the right to be in an interracial relationship with the love of my life. It gave gay people the right to marriage. It gave minorities the right to an education. It paved the way for minorities to become business owners, CEOs, musicians, producers, engineers. I am only here today because someone before me got angry.

So to the people saying just love each other. Yes. Love each other with every fiber in your body. Love those whom you surround yourself with and those who you don’t see. Love everyone who is struggling, and everyone who is not. But get angry too. Because love alone is not enough until you combine it with anger and passion.

We are allowed to be angry. In fact, we are angry out of love. We angry out of love for the protection and well-being of our marginalized brothers and sisters. We have to be angry. We cannot get over it. We cannot move on. Our lives are not negotiable nor up for compromise. People will not always want to hear what we have to say. They will not listen to you. They will even try to knock you down. Those are the people who need to hear it the most. But if you love those you aim to fight for, then really fight for them. Express your emotions. Say what you feel. Do it out of love. Do it because you’re angry.

To all my friends and family and anyone who is walking around today with an unsettling feeling in their stomach and an ache in their head, know that I love you. And because I love you, I am going to fight to end the ignorance. You matter to me even if you don’t feel like you matter to anyone else.

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